Help Wanted

I've always been suspect of Polygamy. What man would want that many women yelling at him, telling him he's wrong and that he doesn't do enough around the house? I guess with polygamy, that last one goes away. So, there's a plus.

Last night #72, #71 and #70 had mysteriously disappeared. I was wide awake with a sugar high, er, I mean, worry. Instead of counting sheep, I counted all the things I do. Probably not the brightest idea. But, it opened my eyes to Polygamy. And, if my best girlfriends agreed to be Mike's other wives, it could be really fun! I would have the help I need and it would be like mom's night out, but all day and all night!

So, here's a list of open spots at the Morris compound. Easy-going, bed-bug-free women should apply:

• Housekeeping-wife
• Run-to-the-bus-stop-wife
• Forgot-their-shit-wife
• Doctor-appt-wife
• Grocery/Cooking wife - FILLED!
• Laundry wife
• Car-service wife
• School-volunteer-wife
• Cupcake-wife - FILLED!
• Birthday-wife
• Sporting-events-wife
• Do-the-nasty-wife - um, FILLED!
• Dinner-party-wife
• Yell-at-Mike-wife: FILLED!
• Yell-at-kids-wife
• Refrigerator-cleaning-wife
• Social-media-wife: FILLED!
• Mom's-night-out/book-club-wife: FILLED!
• Stay-at-home-drunk-wife: FILLED!
• Library-returns-wife (could be combined with social-media to ensure she leaves the house once every three weeks)
• Playdate-wife
• Errands-wife
• Read-20-minutes-a-day-wife (could be combined with errands-wife)
  
• Target-wife (this is definitely a full-time job)
• Work-at-home-wife

We're always adding more jobs (because I'm sure I forgot 8,000) , so keep checking back.