So what'cha want? F'ing surround sound?

"Hey! Can I wear these?"

Kaila was holding up her pink junior Peltor ear muffs. I bought a pair for her and Madan a few years ago. We were going to the Cleveland Air Show and I didn't want them to go deaf. Actually, I really wanted to look like Gwenyth Paltrow at a Coldplay concert. But, Gwenyth that day I was not. I was a slovenly mother who was angrily carrying her child in a football hold through the air show while everyone stared at the kicking, screaming, pink-earmuffed punk that was my two-year-old daughter.

"Sure you can wear them. But, you won't hear anything."

"That's fine. I can still hear myself when I talk."

Touché, mon ami! Kaila was now seated at the kitchen table, wearing pink earmuffs, coloring and singing way too loudly. She realized that Peltors muffled sound, but not her own voice. Is Kindergarten really in this girl's future?

We had some technician dudes come over today to get our surround sound working plus some other neat technical junk I don't understand or want to. All I know is that I can hear Jack Johnson in any room of the house. Who said money doesn't buy happiness? To them I say, "Stupid head."

The tech dudes got here this morning. They twisted wires. They connected shit up. They gave me a sweet new remote. Then, they started working on the music system and asked for my iPod to test things out. I handed it over paying no mind to the loaded playlists -- or who was sitting at the kitchen table quietly coloring with chocolate all over her face, ear muffs now around her waist.

Can you say oops upside your head say oops upside your head?

Suddenly, da Boys were blaring through the house:

"Just Plug Me In Just Like I Was Eddie Harris
You're Eating Crazy Cheese Like You'd Think I'm From Paris
You Know I Get Fly You Think I Get High
You Know That I'm Gone And I'm A Tell You All Why
So Tell Me Who Are You Dissing Maybe I'm Missing
The Reason That You're Smiling or Wilding
So Listen In My Head I Just Want To Take 'em Down
Imagination Set Loose And I'm Gonna Shake 'em Down
Let It Flow Like A Mud Slide
When I Get On I Like To Ride And Glide
I've Got Depth Of Perception In My Text Y'all
I Get Props At My Mention 'Cause I Vex Y'All
So What'cha Want
I get So Funny With The Money That You Flaunt..."

At some point during the Beastie's diatribe, Kaila stopped coloring, cocked her head and looked at me more strangely than usual. Then, without any hesitation, she took her Peltors and jammed them over her ears. Good thing, too. The rest of my playlist was explicit. But damn, what a statement from a girl who ain't licensed to ill yet.