18 before 8.

I know this has been done ad naseum by bloggers. But, did you ever write down all the things you've said to your kids in the course of an hour and then read them back? I did. And, I sound like a lunatic. No wonder no one listens to me. In fact, awhile back I became so convinced that Madan was deaf that I had his hearing checked. Know what the ENT said?

"He's not deaf. In fact, his hearing is excellent. He's just practicing to be a husband."

I paid $15 to learn that my future daughter-in-law is going to be horribly frustrated. To her I say, "I'm sorry my son's ear canal is welded shut. If you had Googled his name and "husband deafness", you would have been directed to my blog post dated 1.27.10 and you would have been spared. Why don't you try texting him? Or maybe there's an iPhone app that will amplify your voice and change it to sound like a beer bottle opening so he pays attention?"

Okay, I'm meandering. So, without further ado, here are 18 things I said before 8am:

1. Please do not fight over the stud finder.
2. Stop skating with the furniture sliders on the tile.
3. Do you need me to wipe?
4. The pepperoni probably isn't good any more. (Smell.) Oh, maybe it's got one more day.
5. You owe me 10 cents for each Mandarin orange you don't eat.
   
6. Do you want whip cream on the top or side?
7. Could you please act like normal human beings for once?
8. HURRY! (at least 16x)
9. Put your underwear on. I have no interest in seeing THAT!
10. Spit.
11. The Saints.
12. Take the toothpaste back upstairs!
13. Do not wipe your chin with your socks.
14. What moustache?
15. Can you wipe that moustache off?
16. Can you stop jumping on the bed naked? The blinds are open!
17. You cannot take your pig to school.
18. If you do that, the TV will stop working.

That's all folks!