Loosen up, boys!

I don't know who needs to loosen up more: men in skinny jeans or WSJ reporter, Ray Smith. I mean, seriously, Ray. You're wearing a suit to interview hipsters in NYC? Then again, I'm getting my latest fashion news from a business bible. I'm the bigger dork, yes?



Skinny jeans are the new rage for fashion-forward men. Problem is, these poor blokes can't run, sit, bend, cross their legs or breathe while wearing them. Welcome to a woman's world, boys! We torture ourselves to look good. Glad you're coming around, too. Now we can all be a world of wonderfully dressed people, agonizing on the inside.

As if the jeans weren't uncomfortable enough, I've got to ask: What you gon' do with all that junk? All that junk smushed in those trunks? Boxers bunch. Tighty-whitie lines? Gasp! What's a boy to go? Banana hammock or commando? You're putting those jewels through the wringer just so you can don some denim. Please, Hammer. Don't hurt 'em!

What could be worse than the underpant predicament? What about the possibility of a purse? I'll bet good money that you can't wedge a wallet into those skinny-ass pockets. Sure, you might be able to stash a Franklin, but not all the Lincolns, Jeffersons, Georges and Weezie's you'll get once you break your bill.

Hark! Do I hear the man bag calling?

*I'd like to dedicate this post to Kevin B. who once tried to squeeze into a wonderful pair of green polyster pants in the East Village. The image is forever etched in my memory.