Listen up, kids. I don't want to have to say this again.

The light fixture overhead is loose. Hopefully, I'll finish this blog post before I'm rendered unconscious or worse -- which is exactly why I'm writing.

Talk about irony.

We survived Blossom 2009. For you out-of-towners, Blossom is Chagrin Falls' five-day Memorial Day Weekend celebration filled with food, rides, hot air balloon races, parades, entertainment and good ol' fun. What's not on the press release is all the mandatory drinking that goes on in between the local mayhem. To say Blossom is fun yet exhausting and taxing on the liver is an understatement.

As we rolled home last night from our last party of the weekend, Mike and I reflected on how much fun we had. We realized it was because the kids behaved. They could have made our lives hell at a number of Blossom events, but they didn't. So, I drank. I got a little tipsy. And I told them how much I loved them. How embarrassing. Evidently, the emotional outpouring facilitated by alcohol isn't just reserved for people you want to hook up with.

Don't worry. I'm not going to blather on about how my kids are the best in the world. That would be annoying. Plus, my kids have my genes and that's a liability. However, what I will say is that the Doobies are doing remarkably well considering the genetic handicap that's been handed to them.

So, after we tucked them into bed really, really late last night. And they didn't wake up really, really early this morning, I decided to write them a post in case I seize up from liver failure -- which would really be their fault. I would never have drank so much if they hadn't behaved. (How's that for guilt?)

So, Doobies, when you are old enough to read this, I want you to know that you rock. I'd like to take all the credit for how cool you are, but I can't. Your Mama is a misfit. The fact that I got two super great kids is probably all of Mike's doing or your own. Maybe I can take credit for your wacky sense of humor (that no one gets) and active imaginations, but that's about it. So, kudos to you for how awesome you are and for your great Blossom-time behavior. You deserve every piece of candy you scored at the parade. Too bad I'll never let you eat all of it.

Thanks my little friends for making every day easy and exciting. (And, thank you Madan for interrupting me just now to demonstrate how a chameleon's eyes work independently. Keep trying. You'll look like Marty Feldman eventually.)

You guys are great kids and because of you, life is great fun.



100% her idea to wear it.


Fire in the hole! Photo credit: Mike.


Mike reclaims his photo cred with this one.


Madan beating Mike with a water bottle.
Did I mention how great my kids are?


Kaila gets her "Carnie" on.


Madan waves off the paparazzi as he and Cousin D ride bareback.

My Boy's Got Balls

We had a family dinner tonight with plates, utensils and family conversation. A far cry from throwing the pizza box on the kitchen table and having at it like piranhas. Talking with a five and three year old can be pretty interesting -- especially if you like stream-of-consciousness, non sequiturs and food flying out of mouths. It can also be quite educational.

Tomorrow is Madan's Kindergarten Screening. I'm guessing they ask questions like do you know your colors, do you know your alphabet, do you know your mama is a blogger who cusses like a truck driver and enjoys potty talk. Lucky for me he knows all three so he is beyond ready!

However, because they are taking him into some random classroom for lock down, I figured I should prepare him for the toddler waterboarding that will ensue.

(Full of excitement.) Madan, tomorrow you have Kindergarten Screening!

(Not buying it.) Um, what's that?

Oh, they ask you whether you know your colors, your numbers. Easy stuff. You'll do fine. I can't be in the room, though. But, I know you'll be cool. Maybe you'll even skip Kindergarten and go right into First Grade!

(Intrigued.) Skip it?

(Uh-oh.) I'm just kidding. Don't say anything like that.

(Clearly ignoring me.) Dad, first grade comes after Kindergarten?

Dad: Yup.

Second grade comes after first. Then third grade?

Dad: Yup. Yup.

Then fourth grade and THEN THE NBA?

(Mike and I exchange glances. Mine hopeful. His perplexed.)

Mike: Well, you could go through all the grades, college and then grad school. It's good to have an education.

Me: YES! The NBA after fouth grade. THAT would ROCK! Do it Madan. I want to be an all-star Mama.

I can't wait to hear what my little doobie tells his Kindergarten tester tomorrow. Hopefully, I won't be forced to home-school. On the bright side, I guess he could just take basketball lessons all day.

Color Your Child's World

Relocating from New York City to Cleveland had its advantages and disadvantages. Sure, I missed being able to procure falafel within walking distance of my apartment and get dirt-cheap, but well-done manicures and massages from my favorite Korean ladies. I loved the asphalt jungle and all it had to offer. But, after having kids, greener pastures were calling. It was time to bid farewell to "The Apple" and hello to "The Dawg Pound." No matter. I didn't mind. I was ready.

Fast forward five years later. I adore how family-friendly Cleveland is. There's so much to see and do. Museums. Sporting events. Gardens. Theater. If I crave some culture, I just drive downtown or to the Heights ... wait a minute. Drive? I have to drive to get a dose of something different? Let's take a time out here.

At this juncture, I must share that I'm Indian and my husband is of various European descent. That makes our children Indian-European mutts and possibly the most diverse item in our 'hood. I never gave it any thought until my son, Madan, brought home a preschool project (not, crapft), a book entitled, "All about me." I paged through, amused at his quirky take on life. Then, I got to the end. Pasted on the last page were magazine cut-outs of people representing us. Dad was a blond guy in a suit. Sister Kaila was a cute brunette in jeans. Madan was a Caucasian boy in a baseball cap. And, I was an African-American mother cooking dinner. His perspective was interesting, but hardly right. The gene pool didn't commingle in our family. It split down the middle. Madan and I are brown. Mike and Kaila are white.

I had talked to my children about being Indian. It must not have registered. Even more interesting was that Madan didn't know he was a few shades darker than his preschool counterparts. I had failed to open his eyes to people of other backgrounds and his own unique heritage. I foolishly relied on Dora, Diego and Kai Lan to color his world. It wasn’t working. Time to burst out of the bubble and experience ethnicity.

I was telling a friend how I'd love to have a "Passport Day" at the kids' preschool. They'd learn about the culture and customs of different lands. My friend (thanks, Amy!) turned me on to a great camp Kenston Community Ed is offering this summer. For all you local peeps, it's called Preschool Passport Adventures, to be exact. I signed up. First stop, Mexico. Bienvenido culture!

There are also many sites outlining how to teach children cultural traditions, different ways of life and customs. I'm thinking of starting from the origami and working my way up to some of the other suggestions:

1. Passport, please. Start your child’s worldwide adventure with the right documentation. Craft passport books by placing white paper within construction paper, folding it in half and stapling it together. Select a different country to “visit” each month by checking a book out of the library and reading it. Also, for each country, give the child a hat or other prop (ex: France, beret). Snap a photo of the child with the hat or prop. Glue the picture into the passport. Make sure you show your kids where they visited on a world map, too. They’ll love to see how far they’ve “traveled.”

2. Host a holiday. Pick a holiday and celebrate it at home. For example, Japan celebrates Hinamatursi Day -- “The day of the dolls” -- to commemorate ancestors. Explain what the day is to your children. Round up their dolls and stuffed animals. Have your children explain why their doll is special to them and how each doll is different. Next, have a tea party, Japanese style, with everyone seated on the floor. Read a short book about life in Japan so that children better understand the culture.

3. Make a multicultural “hello” book. Kids will love learning phrases in different languages. And, here’s a great way to let them practice their language skills. Make a book from construction paper. Punch holes down the side and tie with ribbon. Then, let your kids cut out pictures from magazines (old National Geographics are great) and glue them to the top half of each page. Let them dictate their thoughts about the pictures to you. Write their responses down on that particular page. Teach your kids how to say “hello” in each language and place that under the pictures as well. Now they’ll always know how to greet new friends!

4. Test their chopsticks prowess. Explain to your kids that not everyone eats with forks and spoons. Introduce chopsticks and tell children they are used for eating. Let the children help put the cotton balls (pretend food) on their paper plates and ask them how they could use the chopsticks to pick up the pretend food. Let your kids experiment with ways to pick up the cotton balls. Then demonstrate how they might pick up the pretend food. Give children lots of time to try before reading the book: How My Parents Learned to Eat (Japanese - American) by Ina R. Friedman.

5. Orient them to Origami. Teach kids the art of Japanese paper folding. Not only will they love making animals (and other art) from paper, it’s a skill you’ll value when waiting for your food at restaurants. Any paper napkin can be fashioned into a fun work of art for kids to enjoy!

6. “Book” a trip. Last, but not least, don’t forget the local library. Libraries are rich in libros celebrating differences. Scour the shelves for Korea’s Cinderella story. Your child will be intrigued with another country’s take on a well-known story.

Once Madan begins grade school, more opportunities for culture immersion will arise. But, it's never too early to start coloring up his world.

Photo credit: Super cute passport created by Jan and Anne for our neighborhood progressive dinner.

Sources:
http://www.lessonplanspage.com/SSLAOCICountriesandCulturesIdeas18.htm
http://www.preschoolrainbow.org/multicultural.htm

Chuck Up Your Cheese

Why do kids love Chuck E. Cheese so much? For the same reason they have to touch everything in a public restroom. They love things that make us cringe.

Yesterday, we went to a birthday party at the pizza hizzouse. We walked in. I was overwhelmed. The kids took their tokens and took off. I spent the next hour chasing them as they shoved coins into anything and everything. I even witnessed one kid trying to jam a token into the ticket chomper. I tried reasoning with him, but he wasn't having it. So, I stood and watched, interested to learn what might happen. He was persistent, but the ticket chomper refused to bite down on his gold biscuit so away he ran in search of something else to do -- or break.

The chaos that Chuck E.'s classifies as wholesome family entertainment intrigues me. It's more like kids gone wild. Each time I'm there, I witness rugrats running amok, screaming at the top of their lungs in the tunnel or doing something else that requires some disciplinary action or jail time. During the party, a friend directed my attention to a full-scale assault being launched on Chuck E. Evidently, some young punks thought storming the stage and beating the snot out of the singing mouse was a rite of passage. They're lucky they chose the fake rat. The costumed one would have smacked 'em back. And, I would have given him a standing O.

And, it's not just the kids you have to watch. It's the mamas, too. Kaila was blindsided by a booty. It came out of no where...fast. I tried to push my baby out of the way and save her. But, I wasn't quick enough. The mama bent over and rear-ended Kaila into the Honey Bee Hive. Next time we go (if there is a next time), Kaila will wear a helmet.

At least no fights broke out. Perez Hilton blogged about some crazy-ass antics that recently took place at a Philly Chuck E.'s. Check it out. Holy shiz. Now that, is what you call a partay.


[Image via ratterrell]

Pile of Crapft

I need the equivalent of PBS's Antiques Road Show for the kids' crafts. It would be great if I could summon a team of independent eyes from across the nation to appraise the pile of projects -- construction paper cutouts, cotton ball bunnies, pipe cleaner penguins -- we've amassed from years of careful cutting at preschool*. That way, I'd know what to keep and what to compost.

In year one, I couldn't throw anything away for fear that the kids would want these mementos when they were older. This year, I started throwing everything away -- when the doobies weren't looking, of course. If anyone rifled through our garbage, they'd find under the onion skins and empty ice cream containers, a bounty of jagged jewels such as lopsided leprechauns, hungry caterpillars and scary one-eyed self-portraits.

And, as if the paper products weren't enough, there are sculptures, too. My favorite is a huge monstrosity Madan fashioned out of wood scraps. He claims it's an airplane. I'm calling bullshit. I seriously think he's fucking with me. I've looked at it from every angle sober and drunk. It looks nothing like anything that could fly. Regardless, it's too big for the garbage can. The Waste Management dude would get a hernia. I'm thinking it's kindling for when we make s'mores this summer. (Thanks, Madan!)

So, what I want to know is this. What is craft and what is crap? What do you keep and what do you crumple up? I don't want to have a craft PODS in our driveway.

*If any of the preschool teachers are reading this, I am so totally joking. I love all the stuff they bring home. Really. Seriously. For real.