New baby? Tell your hubby to zip it!

This post is a new-parent PSA for my cousin "T" who is about to have a baby boy.

Do you remember where you were the first time you or your spouse sipped, no, more like inadvertently tasted, the "baby kool aid?"

I do.

We lived in Connecticut. It was our first house. It's where we had our first child. And, I was worn out. Madan's diaper was full. I handed him off to Mike for some "quality time." I was standing in the kitchen when suddenly I heard a scream followed by crashing. I feared that Mike had dropped the littlest Doobie during the diaper change and had failed at fatherhood only a week into it. I ran to the changing station. Mike looked as if he'd eaten a lemon.

I surveyed the area around him. It looked like someone had ransacked the room. Wipes were everywhere, diapers were strewn about, a tube of A+D was launched half way across the room. My little boy, however, was lying calmly on the changing table, most likely wishing a the stork would pick him up and redeposit him with a more capable set of parents.

"What the HELL?!?!"

"HE PEED WHILE I WAS CHANGING HIM!" Mike pointed an accusatory finger at our child.

"Your point being?" I yawned.

"MY MOUTH WAS OPEN!"

Suddenly my mouth was open, too, but only because I was laughing my ass off. My bad. I forgot to warn Mike of baby-pee trajectory and forgot to tell him to cover "the junk" during diaper changes. I relieved my husband from diaper duty and let him go brush his teeth 3,000 times. When he returned, I offered up this brilliant gem, "Next time, shut your mouth."

P.S. For those hubbies who just can't keep their pie hole closed, I recommend this. I'm sure Native Americans are just thrilled.