Birthday gifting

I thought Madan would grow up to be a sports commentator. His penchant for numbers and remembering scores rivals any idiot savant's. In fact, if you ask him what the final outcome was for the incredibly riveting USA v. China Women's Curling event two years from now, I'm sure he'd remember. By the way, if you asked Mike, he'd shrug and then tell you all about the 2010 Women of Curling Calendar where some of the participants posed nude. That's the difference between a boy and a man, I guess.

But, I was wrong about Madan's career trajectory. My kid's future lies in sales. Or, cult leadership. Charles Manson, David Koresh, Jim Jones eat your hearts out. Kaila's birthday is coming up. I was going to start brainstorming ideas with her, but Madan got to her first.

"MOM!"

"What, Kaila?"

"I'm going to have a FOOTBALL birthday party! The boys will play on teams and the girls will be cheerleaders. You're going to build a stadium in our backyard!"

Shit. Madan sold his birthday goods to Kaila and brainwashed her into thinking that I was going to buy lumber, build bleachers and somehow create a retractable dome in case it rained. Flippin' fuck. "Madan? Where are you?!?!?!?"

"And, we're going to invite Madan's entire class!"

Oh, man. My little girl had gifted her fifth birthday to her brother. Dammit. Let the deprogramming begin. I knew I didn't have much time. When Madan went to school yesterday, I intervened.

"Kaila, we're going to an art studio!'

"Why?"

"It'll be fun! You can pick anything out and paint it!"

"Like what?"

"Frogs, penguins, bowls, boxes, shirts, tin cans!"

Her eyes lit up. The opportunity to amass even more crapft rocked her world. I could only imagine what was going on inside her head. "I can paint a BOX and take it HOME! Wheeee!"

To Wonderworks Art Studio we went.

For an hour, we chatted and painted, painted and chatted.

"Wasn't that fun?"

"Yeah!"

"Wouldn't you like to have a birthday party here?"

"YEAH! We can paint FOOTBALLS!"

Madan, I'm so giving you a time out.


Update: Madan is now convinced that he's going to have a half-birthday party complete with a home-made football field, bleachers and a retractable dome. A neighbor gave me a great idea. Since the Detroit Lions suck so bad, maybe they'd let me rent the stadium for dirt cheap. Good thinking! But, sorry Madan, we don't do half-birthdays in this house.