Is Your Child a Walking Disaster?

Some kids are injury magnets. They get hurt doing completely innocuous things. The types of things that, if normal people wanted to hurt themselves doing, it would take practice. Mad skills and practice. For example:

1. Walking from one room into the other -- no doors, just open space.
2. Getting a box of cereal out of the pantry.
3. Playing "Let's Go Fishing" while seated at a table.

My son has the gift. He hurts himself doing things that shouldn't cause injury: standing, sitting, breathing. I'm awestruck by his ability to be simply upright one moment, and the next, a hobbled mess on the floor. My guess would be that: He was probably standing on two feet, then one foot, then hopping on one foot, then losing balance, then falling, then cracking his head on the tile or whatever interrupted the free fall. Meanwhile, Kaila and I just stare at one another, jaws wide open, unsure whether to score the Herculean hurt fest like Olympic judges or to get the bubble wrap.

Today was no different. Kaila was quietly taking pictures with her camera. Keep in mind, she never dropped it on her foot. Not once. Madan and I were playing the "Let's Go Fishing" game. It started off safely. We each had our fishing poles and were getting some bites. Because I was winning, Madan started cheating. And, of course, I started yelling.

"No one will play with you in Kindergarten if you can't play by the rules! Put those fish back! You have to use the rod to catch them -- not your fingers! I'm so not playing with you anymore."

Of course, Madan was tuning me out. And, this made Kaila mad. (No one puts Yo Mama in a corner.) She snatched up his poached fish and hauled ass.

"KAILAAAAA! GIVE ME BACK MY FISH NOW! COME HERE! I'M GOING TO...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Somehow, no idea how, the fishing pole was up Madan's nose. He was crying. Kaila stopped in her tracks. Probably, because she wanted to see her brother yank a fish out of his left nostril. And, yes, she was still successfully holding onto the camera.

Six tissues and a washcloth later, Madan was lying calmly on the floor. I made him stay there to get the bleeding to stop. Actually, I made him stay there because I was positive he couldn't find a way to hurt himself supine, staring at the ceiling fan.

But. Then. I. Saw. It.

Madan had found a book and was reading it -- while on his back!

Danger, Will Robinson!

The boy was in trouble. He didn't know it. I jumped over the couch, grabbed the book and threw it across the room. He stared at me incredulously. But, had I not acted, he would have hit himself in the face with Chicken Little. I didn't want Nostril Vesuvius to erupt again all over my carpet. We had successfully side-stepped re-injury. For now.