WTF?! Wednesday...

... brought to you by Giant Eagle and the rotting crap they pass off as produce.
(Yes, this is a harsh post, but well-deserved.)

Dear Giant Eagle,

Good bye. I'm leaving you for Heinen's. After five years of sticking with you, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, I've had enough. Maybe it was the $9 bag of cherries I bought which looked good in the store, but were a wrinkly, rotten mess when I opened them at home. Or, maybe it was the onion I cut into that was rotten to the core. Or, perhaps it was the bag of baby carrots I barely recognized because they were freezer-burned beyond belief. You'd think any of those episodes would call for a legal separation.

But, no. What you've done to me is unforgivable, unforgettable and unthinkable. I will never get over this. Not even if you give me endless Fuel Perks. Never, ever, ever. Not in all my lives. (My people are Hindus who believe in reincarnation.)

You fucked with my fat-free cookies and cream ice cream.



First off, you sized it down. Yeah, I know. Everybody's doing it. But, does that make it right? This week, I had to buy two containers to feed my habit. That takes up valuable freezer space reserved for cheese bagel bites. How can I tell my daughter she won't have lunch because Mom needs to buy more dessert?

Secondly, you fucked with the flavor. Some product marketing genius, or maybe your CFO, realized it would be cheaper to make ice cream without the cream. I was okay with the fact that my cookies and cream concoction barely had cookies. But, now it barely has cream. You need to rename the crap Giant Eagle Ice. Or Giant Eagle Ass. Because, that's what it tastes like. I'm chucking my 3 oz. container out the window. The raccoons can have it. But, my guess is they'll pass on it, too.

So, it's without much sadness that I write this because I've had it. I put up with all I can take, but now it's time to throw in the towel. The relationship is unsalvageable. It's over.

Goodbye, Giant Eagle, equal opportunity employer.
Helloooooooooooo Heinen's, home of the hot cheerleader checkout gals.