WTF?! Wednesday: The Invisible Trophy

I wish your camp lasted all day. Two hours is not enough.

Why?

Because, with the exception of sleeping last night, you and your sister have been fighting nonstop for 24 hours. It's 8am and you're arguing over insane things like how fast the race car on the Cheerios box can go! It's on A BOX. It can't go. Oh, correction. It's going NOWHERE FAST.

It's as if I'm invisible. No one hears me. The angry tennis match resumes.

I WANT TO SEE IT!

I WAS LOOKING AT IT FIRST!

NO YOU WEREN'T. I WAS!

FINE. THEN I QUIT. I QUIT EVERYTHING. I QUIT YOU. I QUIT LIFE.

Oh boy. When Madan gets pissed, it's pretty permanent. I did what any Mom would do at 8am. Ignored them and hoped the badness would go away. It did, but was replaced by a total non sequitur.

Mom?

Yup.

Can we go to Kalahari water park today?

(WTF?) Um, why do you ask?

Because it's raining and we can't go to the pool. So, let's go there. It's indoors.

That's a great, but incredibly expensive, idea.

I have dollars!

Not enough of them, Doobie.

Kaila has $20 that Aunt Lu gave her for her birthday!

Still not enough.

How much do we need?

(I exaggerated for effect.) $3,000, sweetie.

(Clearly, hyperbole is wasted on a five year old.) Do they take coins?

(Short bus chimes in.) I DON'T WANNA GO!

WELL, I DO! YOU'RE JUST A STINKY GIRL WITH A BUTT FAN.

Oh, Kaila. She had to go and ruin it. We had been safely diverted from the Cheerios box train wreck, but she put us back on a crash course with her refusal to hypothetically go to Kalahari.

So, therein lies today's WTF! It's going out to all you nutty kids who make us mamas crazy by arguing about hypotheticals. From what color your space ship should be to what the sun eats to who won the invisible trophy and gets to keep it in their room or whether the pet T-rex your bro wants will eat him or not.

If you're going to argue, at least do it about reality. How about you get into a fist fight over: Who gets the last cookie? Who's taller? Who's better looking? Global warming? Please, beat the snot out of each other over things that can be decided. Not imaginary things brought on by bouts of toddler insanity.

*Thank you to my friend Jen for today's blog inspiration. She's the one who owns the invisible trophy and is getting a vegetarian T-rex for her son.