My parents visited us last month. While they were here, all hell broke loose. The kids were chased, tickled and tortured with love and brownies. One day, when there was a lull in the sugar high, my Mom decided it was time to test the durability of our Pottery Barn pillows vs. the Doobies' heads. A 15-minute pillow fight ensued.
Years ago, I would have freaked out. My expensive chenille PB pillows! But, I've since learned to detach myself from material things because the kids (or in this case, my Mom) inevitably trash them.
So, as I watched my kids get knocked down, get back up again and happily get KO'd again, an idea was born. Whenever the Doobies piss me off, I now use a pillow fight as a guise to get any aggression out. It's much more permissible than a real beating.
Talk about fun.
During our most recent sham-fest, some great fighting techniques were born. Try them! If you don't laugh your ass off while swatting your kids, you're not hitting hard enough. Or, you're a bore who deserves to be smacked upside the head.
Note: "Attacker" refers to preschooler coming at you with a way-overpriced PB pillow.
- The Windmill: Hold two pillows and spin your arms. Just be careful. You'll need to duck and weave or the attacker might get your head.
- The Zildjian: My personal favorite. Use two pillows and pretend to play the cymbals on the attacker's head. When striking, be sure to make a crashing noise for added effect.
- The Powder Puff: Take one pillow and hold it in the center. Keep "puffing" the attacker's face until it looks like the chenille PB pillow.
- The Chinese Star: Grab the pillow by the corner and give it a good chuck sideways. Note: This one might actually hurt the attacker. Only use in dire circumstances.
- The Lob: Take two pillows. Launch one as a decoy and then use the second as The Powder Puff. Because the attacker is 5 years or younger, he/she will fall for it every time.
4 comments:
Now THIS is the type of parenting advice I've been looking for. Gonna have to try out some of those moves when my kids make me wanna pull my hair out...which will probably be a nightly occurrance.
Stock up on the pillows! :)
I LOVE "The Lob" ... we too, are going to try this out tonight to get some much needed and pent up energy out of our systems!
Do you use this on the husband as well?
One little piece of advice that I learned the hard way...make sure that if you have cheap pillows that don't have 'hidden zippers', hold the zipper head in your hand. Cos a zipper head in the eye of a child stops ALL the fun and you get the 'mummy hit me in the eye' refrain for MONTHS!!!
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