I vacuumed out my car for the first time in...six months? I pose it as a question because I truly have no idea and am wondering if anyone else does.
See, I found a hairy raisin on the floor. And, I'm curious. How long does it take for a raisin to sprout dreads? That would give me some indication of time. But, on second thought, it might not be a raisin. It could have been someone's kid I forgot to drop off after a playdate. Either way, Beetle Juice is gone now. And, I'm very sorry if any of you are missing a child. My guess is, you didn't really want him/her back anyway. You would have called. Or emailed. Or updated your FB status.
So...my car is clean! Or, clean on the inside, if you're a purist. The outside is a dirty, banged-up mess. It's a story only Helen Keller could tell (if she could speak). I wonder what all the dots, dents, dings, lines and scratches spell out? Hopefully, something really nasty. I'm not sweet, remember?
My car looks like it's been in a demolition derby. And, Mike won't let me get anything fixed. It's like a scarlet letter I have to wear all around town, announcing, "I cannot drive for shit. I hit the side of the garage. I hit a cement pole. I hit lots of stuff. Yes, yes, yes. I suck." I am the Hester Prynne of the highway. How humiliating. And, it's another reason why I'm so glad I have an arsenal of wigs -- and that big sunglasses are still en vogue.
For three years now, I've put "detailing" on my Xmas list, hoping someone in the family would oblige. No dice. They all want me to pay for my past abuses. I should probably change the title of this post from "Piece of Shit Car" to "Piece of Shit Driver."
P.S. If you've never heard Adam Sandler's song "Piece of Shit Car," please give it a listen. It's a work of art. Mike and I played it at our wedding. After re-reading the lyrics, it's a good thing half my relatives there didn't understand English.
P.P.S. I actually have a safe driving record. I only hit inanimate things when moving very slowly. I can carpool for preschool next year. Seriously. Trust me.
6 comments:
Shut up.
They played Piece of Shit Car at our wedding and all my drunk Polish family sang along not understanding a word. Hahahaha.
It was priceless and I have it on tape. Which reminds me I should get it copied onto a DVD.
That or they were to drunk to understand. Well ok, only my Dad. Remember Bittu and I didn't drink then....ahem ya right.
"Detailing"??? Clearly no one has bothered to explain the difference between gathering the school of goldfish from between the seats and replacing bumpers, door paneling and repainting the car. How about some bubble wrap for your XMas gift next year?
I would like to point out that CatInTheHat is my husband.
ok this post made me spit my coffee from starbucks!!! You owe me a new one! We used to sing that song about the death trap of a van my mom gave me.... We really sang it after i lost some ball things from underneath it in the bobs parking lot and had to hitch a ride home. We also would sing rusty chevrolet about my fathers clunker... thanks for the laughs. I will be sure to check back in.. :)
oh and for the rasins this is what I found http://www.sun-maid.com/en/products/products_raisins.html
Actually - that raisin was probably a leftover from Missy Moo Cow trying to learn to poop in the potty.
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