Yup. C'est moi.
So, today was an action-packed day. It started with a family trip to Conrad's to drop my car off for a tune-up. It was early. I was bra-less, still in my PJs and Kaila wasn't wearing shoes. There was no time for shoes. Did I mention it was early? Plus, I'm not feeling well. I prayed no one would see me. I wore really huge sunglasses.
We returned home from Conrads, but somehow, I still had less than one hour to get some work done and then get Kaila to a friend's birthday party.
I showered. Barely. Grabbed the gift off the counter and did what all lame moms in a rush do: threw it in a wrinkly re-gifted gift bag, shoved tissue paper around it and chucked it into the car. Luckily, the party was a drop off. I screeched into the driveway, drop-kicked Kaila into the house and hauled ass to Target. An hour (and $75) later, I returned to the celebration just as gifts were being opened.
Kaila excitedly handed her gift to her friend.
Friend opened gift.
Mama's jaw dropped in horror.
Kaila screamed, "THAT'S THE WRONG GIFT. THAT WAS MY GIFT MOMMY! WHY IS MY GIFT IN HER BAG? I WANT TO GO HOME!"
I began to sweat. Holy shit, I am a total fuck up. Kaila's birthday was a few days earlier. I mistakenly grabbed the Fantasy Water Globe present my parents gave Kaila and put it in the gift bag. Even worse, it was used. I was mortified. Even more worse than worse, Kaila called me a total hoser in front of 10 girls. Where was an act of god when you needed one? Unfortunately, no trees fell on me, no hole in the Earth swallowed me up, no lightning bolt struck me dead. I was alive and stupid beyond belief. Luckily, the girls had already moved on to a doll that swims in the bathtub. The error was forgotten. But only by them.
If looks could kill, my baby girl's eyes would have slayed me on the spot. Who could blame her? I just made my four-year-old look like a turd. She made me pay, too. The whole way home, I was peppered with questions: Why was my present in the bag? Why did you do that? Why didn't you put the right one in the bag? Why are you such a horrible mother? Why don't you love me? Why? Why? Why?
An hour later, I returned to the party house, right gift in hand. The birthday girl was incredibly confused. Just like I was this morning.
3 comments:
oh my goodness. This is one of the funniest posts I have read in a while!
Oh man that is funny. I'm sorry... but wow. I could totally picture that happening to me, too, though!
Dude, I can think of a LOT worse that could have been misplaced in that bag!! Glad you are woman (and mom enough) to venture out of the house braless and still in pj's. I knew I liked you for a reason!
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