American Idle

The other night, the unthinkable happened.

I went to the local wine bar with some running club friends. The weather was great, the conversation flowed and so did the drinks. I wore white pants and did not get a single speck of dirt on them. It was truly spectacular. It was also a Tuesday. I was missing the final showdown on American Idol. But, that was the sacrifice I was willing to make for some grown-up conversation. Besides, the DVR was rolling so I knew I'd be sitting in front of the tube, stuffing my face with an ice cream-peanut butter concoction later that night, enjoying the company of Adam and Kris, Ryan and all those other dogs.

When I returned home, Mike was watching another show. I assumed he didn't watch Idol yet because he wanted that to be our special moment of the evening. Oh, how wrong I was.

So, are you ready for the final two, I asked?

What?

(Excitedly like a teenager going to see Hannah M.) Idol. American Idol. It's what I live for, remember?

Then, he uttered three words that will forever live in infamy: There's a problem.

(Trying to stay calm.) What do you mean?

It didn't record. Well, only 20 minutes recorded.

(Not so calm.) WHAT do YOU mean?

Um, the DVR was full.

(Calm left the building.) ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Aside from our wedding, the birth of our children and every other Idol finale, this is THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT MOMENT OF MY LIFE. How could this happen!?!?!

Um, sorry?

(Irate/borderline psychotic.) This is all your fault! You saved every single episode of Celebrity Apprentice. Donald Trump, king of the comb-over, is the owner of my prized DVR real estate! (I fell to my knees. Completely inconsolable. I started screaming and hitting myself.) Oh, no, no, nooooooooo. Why do you hate me so much? Why? Why? Why did this have to happen?

Next, I did what any scorned woman would do: Didn't talk to Mike for the rest of the evening. While I thought of that as punishment, in retrospect, it must have been quite a treat. I've since recovered from Tuesday's trauma, having watched KISS, the Black-Eyed Peas and the final episode while eating ice cream. Loads of it.