What's the word?

"Mom, can I tell you something?" Kaila asked.

You can tell me anything now. But, once you're a teenager and utter those words, I will most likely have a heart attack. "Of course, honey."

"Someone said a bad word at school."

"Oh?"

"Do you want me to say it."

I thought about it. I have to admit, I was dying to know how bad the bad word was.

I bit. "What was it?"

"Jenny said she hated music." Kaila whispered the word "hated" as if the cussing police would come take us away had they heard.

I feigned horror. "What happened after she said that?"

"Susie said that Jenny should never use the h-word." Kaila was looking around just to make sure no one outside of our kitchen knew what we were talking about.

"WHAT? There is NO such thing as the h-word," Madan interrupted as if he was the authority of trash-talkin' in this house.

I quickly jumped in to reclaim my rightful place. "Madan, there can be an h-word even if people don't always call it that."

"Hate isn't even a bad word, really." he shrugged.

"It's a strong word." I defended.

"Now, the f-word..." he began.

"WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!" I prayed that some freakish act of nature would bust up the conversation. Where was a meteor when you needed one? I had to escape discussing the f-word and all its glorious uses. I got nothin'. F. U. Mother Nature.

"The f-word is a BAD word." Madan deadpanned.

Suddenly, Kaila was all ears, staring at her brother, waiting for him to illuminate her. I needed hit the flippin' dimmer switch in a hurry.

"Mom, what is the f-word?" Kaila sweetly asked.

"I can't tell you." I apologized.

"You can't? It's that bad?" she wondered.

"It's worse than bad. I know you really want to know, but I can't let you know. Because if you ever said it, you'd be kicked out of school."

"Oh. That's bad." she said.

"Okay, so we can't know it, but can you at least tell us what it means?" Madan interjected.

For F's sake, I wanted to shout. Leave the "f-word" the "f" alone! Instead, I replied, "It has many uses and meanings. None of which I can share with you at this early age. I'm so sorry. Would you like a snack?"

I'm so fucked.