He's a MAN, baby!

Kaila's Kindergarten teacher retired so all summer, I laid awake at night, wondering who would get the spot. After all, this would be the person to teach my daughter the second half of the alphabet, the difference between a penny and a quarter and those all-important star words. I couldn't afford a slouch.

A few days ago, I got an email from the school. Question answered! The email read: "Pat Smith has been hired to teach our Extended Day Kindergarten class. Mr. Smith has taught Kindergarten for the past three years in the XYZ Public School District." (Yes, I changed the teacher's name to protect the innocent.)

After reading it, I paused. I re-read it. OMG. It said Mister! MISTER! I shrieked, "Kaila, he's a man, baby!"

"Wha-at?" Kaila was mystified.

"Your Kindergarten teacher. He's a man! See? It says MISTER. Not Mrs. or Miss. MISTER! Mr. Smith!"

"Yeah?" Kaila said the same way one would say, "Who really gives a rat's ass?"

I pressed on excitedly, "It's like learning from Dad, but from someone who really knows STUFF!" (Kidding, Mike.)

"Oh!" Lightbulb on.

I like the idea that Kaila's Kindergarten teacher is a man. Oh, no. Not because I can wear my hot, cougar outfits to centers. (Even more kidding, Mike.) Moreso because I think it'll be an interesting dynamic. I had a flashback to the time I watched the Hallmark Hall of Fame movie "Front of the Class." It was based on the true story of Brad Cohen who suffers from Tourettes yet wants to be a teacher. He goes through countless interviews without any offers. Everyone is too timid to take a chance on the whooping wonder despite his smarts, solid college record and glowing recommendations. He refuses to give up. On his 25th interview, he lands a job as a 2nd grade teacher.*

Can I get a whoop, whoop?

While engrossed in the movie, you see past his vocal and physical tics and understand what an amazing and amazingly fun teacher this hootin' and hollerin' guy is. You get pissed at the short-sighted parents who remove their kids from his class and cheer (okay, cheer loudly) when he's named the outstanding first year teacher for the state of Georgia. (whoop, whoop!) And, you cry like a baby at the end because his story is so moving. (whoops.) That's what happens when you become a mom. You actually watch Hallmark Hall of Fame movies and they reduce you to a sobbing mess that your kids laugh at and call, "baby!" If you ever want to bring a mother down, don't steal her babysitter or spread vicious rumors about her cooking. Get your teenage son to hack into her Netflix queue and put every Hallmark Hall of Famer on her list. She'll call you and beg for mercy.

So, Kaila's Kindergarten teacher is a man. And, I have very high expectations having seen Brad Cohen's story.

"Did you ever have a man teacher, Mom?" Kaila wondered.

There were three that immediately came to mind. In 5th grade, there was "Mr. B." I didn't get him, but I so wished I did. He was a cool cat with a fantastic 'fro who wore jeans, fringy suede vests and clogs. On weekends, he worked at this store called "The Rainbow Shop." And, when you're a 5th grade girl, ain't nothin' cooler than clogs and rainbows. Then, in high school, there was "Mr. D" who the girls nicknamed "Mr. Delicious." I don't remember him being that delicious, but when you're surrounded by badly-dressed women with perms, a sharp-dressed man does stand out. And then there was Mr. H who we all hated. He said inappropriate things to the girls and we reported him to the principal. In retrospect, pretty mature for a bunch of junior high school girls.

Remembering that last teacher made me shudder. So, I did what any meddling mom with an Internet connection would do. I Googled Kaila's teacher. Nothing significant came up. So, I dug deeper and hit FB. Score! He's smart enough to keep his page locked, but I know some of his favorite activities, movies and bands. Yeah, it feels so creepy. But, I wanted to see what my girl's Mister Teacher would look like. And, rest assured, while some parents might be put off by non-mainstream musical tastes, I will never judge a teacher by an album cover.

*Paraphrased from classperformance.com.