Repro-ducking

"Mom?"

"Yes, Kaila?"

"How do babies get in your tummy?"

Oh no you didn't. No. No. No.

Somehow, just somehow, I know my Mom is behind this. She wants me to pay for all the havoc I wreaked growing up and is somehow feeding Kaila questions I never ever want to answer. I just don't know how she's doing it. It must be some sort of Hindu Nani mind meld. All I know is I have to figure out how to stop it. Otherwise, I'm going to be teaching biology a lot sooner than expected. Reproduction, that awful song from the equally-awful Grease II, started playing in my head.

Reproduction
Reproduction
Put your pollen tube to work
Reproduction
Reproduction
Make my stainum go bizurk
Reproduction
I don't even think they know what a pistol is
I got your pistol right here...

The musical intermission was suddenly interrupted by repro girl.

"Where was I BEFORE I was in your tummy?"

"Storage."

She looked at me, puzzled. I couldn't blame her. Storage? What the hell? Who the hell puts babies in storage? I was slipping.

"And then who put me in your tummy?"

First off. WOW. Did she really fall for the PODS explanation? Secondly, CRAP. We were back to that again? I debated singing Reproduction to her, but decided against it. Instead, I paused. She waited. I continued to pause. She continued to wait. I tried to pause long enough so she would have to go to the bathroom and I could run the hell away. No luck. My baby's a camel. She can store water for weeks. I was totally fucked which is ironic considering we were in a reproduction discussion stalemate.

"MAMA!!!"

I played dumb and acted like she didn't ask me anything for the last 10 minutes. "Hmmm?"

"HOW did I get in YOUR tummy?"

"Oh. Didn't I answer you? Let me see. That's something you'll learn when you're older. I can't share that with you yet. It's very complicated."

"Why? Tell me!"

"No. I really can't."

"You can! Just tell me."

"No. I can't. But you know who can?"

"Who, Mama?"

"Nani. Ask her when we visit."

I'm such a coward for punting. But, I'm not done wreaking havoc yet.