Yo Mama Attacks!

"Do I have enough?"

"Well, since you yanked out two of your teeth last weekend, you're just a tad shy of the $169 needed for a DSi."

"Okay, I'll buy the DS Lite, then!"

Unbeknownst to Madan, we spotted him the difference and ordered him the DSi. You'd think the kid won a candy-for-life lottery the way he was jumping up and down after I hit the "purchase" button. He quickly set up camp by our front window, waiting for the mailman to arrive.

"Um, Madan, it doesn't quite work that way. It'll be here in a week or so."

"Oh." He sauntered back to the family room. Dejected.

I had just created a monster.

Every kid on Madan's bus seemed to have a DS. We refused to buy him one. We wanted him to socialize and make friends other than Mario and Luigi. If you want a DS, we said, save your allowance. You need to understand the value of money and how hard it is to buy the things you want.

So, the Doobie saved. He saved for a full year. We were impressed by his focus. Finally, the week before Thanksgiving, he had enough. And now, the day after Thanksgiving, I've had enough.

My 10-year-old nephew brought over his DS yesterday. Madan's been eyeballs-deep for 24 hours now. At first, I didn't bother to restrict his playing. I was too busy enjoying frosty Yuenglings, football and food. Lots of it. But now, the day after the food orgy, my little Doobie has become an addict. While my newphew is playing with Grandma, Madan is whimpering on the couch, refusing to partake. He's pissed that I told him it's time to drop the DS and rejoin civilization. He's now rocking back and forth in the fetal position, clutching the DS, weeping and twitching.

Breaking a crack addiction might be easier.

So, I'm going to stick to my guns, restrict his playing time and let him hate his mama. He can complain all he wants to his therapist. No one is going to fault me for limiting video game time. Besides, he has beautiful olive skin. Only a goth girl is going to date a pasty-faced videogamer.

Madan just left the room. I feel like big brother.

"Madan, where are you?"

"In the bathroom!"

"Did he take the DS with him?!?!?" I whispered to my nephew.

My nephew is now scrambling around the room. "No! There are still two on the table."

Phew. He's now back on the couch, shooting me stink eye with a half-smile.

Maybe it's not as bad as I thought. Regardless, we're going to keep a close eye on the little guy. He can hate me now, but his brain will thank me later.


Family portrait: The cousins. The Doobies. The DS.