Halloween: R.I.P.

I volunteered to be a Room Mom. To be honest, I had no idea what the hell a Room Mom did when I agreed to the job. I figured it was important, though, because the title had initial caps. So, I went to the first Room Mom meeting somewhat blind. I felt like a Sorority Pledge waiting for my Big Sisters (the Experienced Room Moms) to begin the hazing process.

"What snacks are permissible in the classroom if there is a gluten allergy? WRONG! Do a shot of Hawaiian Punch!"

"What games are deemed inappropriate by the school? WRONG! Make out with Room Mom to your left!"

"What is the best place to order crafts online so you don't have to do any pre-cutting?" The Big Sisters were now standing there, licking their chops and wielding the paddle.

I started sweating and prayed to the H1N1 god so the school nurse would send me home.

Actually, the first meeting was tame. I learned that I'd be coordinating classroom parties. This, I can handle, I thought. Halloween, Christmas, Valentines Day. Easy peasy. Check, please! Suddenly, I looked at the party guidelines. I had overlooked how PC the world had become.

You can't call the Halloween Party a Halloween Party. It's a Fall Harvest Party free of any ghouls, goblins and spooky entities. The Christmas Party is a Holiday Party. Visions of gender-neutral snowpeople, snowflakes and, um, more snow stuff danced in my head. The Valentines Day Party is called Fred and the end of year party is the artist formerly known as Prince. Talk about a Jedi mind fuck.

Okay. I'll roll with the PC bullshit because I have no choice. But, I won't shut up about what sucks. I grew up singing Christmas carols and Hanukkah songs. I learned the Hava Nagila for my 6th grade EOY show. Our teacher made the Greek students lead the dance. Most likely because she thought they were Jewish. Perhaps they were. But, I seriously doubt it.

Now, every school program is free of anything interesting. Songs are vanilla. Parties are plain. We're so afraid of a wardrobe malfunction that we overreact and err on the side of caution which, to me, is an invitation to boredom. Eyelids getting heavy. Pass the chai latte please.

So, why does the school Halloween party have to be in, um, disguise? I suspect because some uninformed people associate Halloween with worshipping the devil. However, I was told it was because kids were scared of costumes. Well, damn. Life is scary. And, no better time to learn that then the present. Plus, if you are in Kindergarten and don't understand that "The Scream" is a plastic mask made in China by kids your age, you are on the wrong bus. C'mon. Ditch the underjams and grow up.

And, now that I think of it, I had better return Madan's WACO Siege uniform costume. For some reason, I don't think it'll be deemed appropriate. But, I could be overreacting.