Mike married me for better, for worse. But, this morning, it was worse than worse. I woke up and it looked like the fugly stick fairy had paid me a visit and over-stayed her welcome. Of course Mike was showered and dressed. He was going golfing. He was getting picked up by my friend's husband. The car pulled into the driveway.
I hid.
"Hey, Mike! How are you?"
Oh god, he exited the car. His voice was getting closer. He was approaching the DOOR! OMG. OMG. OMG. I hid in the corner of the kitchen. What if my friend's husband saw me with NO make-up on? I hadn't concealed the zit on the tip of my nose yet. I looked witchy instead of bewitching. Son of a beeyach.
"Hey, Marc! Kids, come say Hi!"
WTF? Was my husband high? The kids were standing in the mudroom. He basically extended Marc an invitation to come closer and perhaps catch a glimpse of the bra-less-cucumber-boobed wonder. I panicked. I pretended I wasn't there. I held my breath. I didn't say a word and hoped the crowd would dissipate. I contemplated tear gas.
"Hey, have you seen my golf shoes?"
OMFG! Busted. Friend knew I was within earshot. Mike, you are going to pay for this.
"NO AND GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Go away?" Mike was confused by my answer.
Got to love him. Either he's so in love with me that he thinks I look good no matter what or he's totally clueless. My money's on the latter. Sorry, Mike. (And, sorry Marc for not saying hi this morning. But after your wife reads this, you'll be illuminated.)
For future reference (because Mike gets my blog via email), here are the Saturday morning I'm-going-on-a-boondoggle-and-getting-picked-up-by-a-friend-rules of engagement:
1. Friend must park car at least 50 yards away from house. Preferably on another street or in another country.
2. At no time is friend to leave the car. Even if friend needs to use bathroom. There are plenty of wooded areas here.
3. You and friend may only communicate via cell phone if you are running late. If cell phone battery is low or dead, smoke signals, baby.
4. If you cannot find your golf shoes, golf clubs, golf bag, golf underwear, you must by new ones at the Pro Shop. I can not be outed to look for them.
5. If kids get loose from house and need to say hi to friend, you must run after them and retrieve them.
Thanking you in advance, xoxoxo,
Your Not-So-Hot-Before-9AM Wife.
P.S. Have fun golfing!
4 comments:
Ok, WHATEVER. I had to see them when I was all sweaty...some what hungover (ie: green undertones in my already pale skin) with no makeup. I thought when I dropped off the bags, the house would be sealed up tight and I could drop and run!! I'll be sure to throw on some makeup next time I pop by.
karey
Oh, no no no. I saw you in your cute little workout clothes pushing that hot yellow "LOOK AT ME" designer baby stroller. You're not fooling anyone, miss. ;}
Damn straight I have a hot yellow "LOOK AT ME" stroller... I need to make sure all the crazy drivers in our 'hood see me coming!!!
i hope marc doesn't bring mike back here after golf .... they will be in for a big surprise.... i am still in my pj's, no bra and i just realized i have yet to brush my teeth and it is 2:30! BUT i am almost ready for my yard sale!!!!!!!!!
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