Pray for Rain if You Want Your Ass Kicked

"Sometimes I pray for rain."

GASP!

Oh no, she didn't. We all looked at each other in amazement. Did our friend really say that aloud? What type of mother wishes for inclement weather? Don't we all want sunny days so we can spend infinite time outdoors with our kids?

Let me think about that for a minute. Yeah, um, no.

Just like my friend, I like the rain. No. I love the rain. If it wasn't for the rain, I'd never have clean clothes, clean carpets, clean bathrooms, clean hair, clean anything! The rain lets me stay inside and get stuff done. Meanwhile, the kids get to watch some TV and I remain guilt-free about the electromagnetic waves bouncing off their eyeballs. Of course, I read to them for 20 minutes* before switching the tube on. I am a good mother who wants her kids to get into a good college.

The last time it rained, the kids watched one of my childhood favorites: Tom & Jerry. The animal antics are great until your kids decide to try them at home. Three episodes in, the Doobies started throwing "bricks" (my pillows) at each other. After realizing that wasn't violent enough, booby traps were set up using mops. Next, furniture was rearranged to barricade the mouse (Kaila) in the family room. I was informed that I was the "sleeping dog." I think that meant I wasn't supposed to notice the wreckage until they were done. I tried my best to ignore the cartoon rivalry going on around me. And, to my credit, I was doing a bang-up job until I witnessed something so incredibly sweet, I had to capture it...

(Rather than stop it, I shot it. Wouldn't you?)

The Wind Up:


Delivery! Front kick to the ass.


Uh-oh. She don't know it's always better to give than receive.



*Give or take 19 minutes. I usually fall asleep after the first minute of reading.